


No Relaxation for Gordon

by sportsy



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Tommy talks to Gordon a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sportsy/pseuds/sportsy
Summary: Gordon Freeman comes back home from his time in Black Mesa, still in contact with the rest of the science team. Gordon discusses with Tommy about something he's been worrying about, and Tommy reassures him about it. Later, Benrey gets thrown back in Gordon's face, as if he wasn't struggling enough.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	1. A Return

**Author's Note:**

> \- This is post-Black Mesa, but pre-ACAB Stream

After the Black Mesa incident, Gordon was able to escape to the real world. Sure, it may have been without his friends, but he had ways to get around it. Gordon wanted to believe that Benrey was gone for good. There's no possible way he could've gotten out, right? Surely Benrey used the same AI that the rest of the science team did, right? What's the chance that Benrey really is just... anything else? Gordon shakes his head, not letting himself think too much more about it. He has better things to do than waste time worrying about that jerk coming back. He gets up off the couch, and goes to make himself coffee. He's thankful that his job gave him a few days off since what happened.

The days were short, with boredom, loneliness, and exhaustion. The science team was still trying to figure out the new setup. Bubby seemed to have been the one that was able to learn how to use everything, but of course, Bubby being himself -stubborn as hell- he refused to explain anything to the rest of the science team.

Not much talk had been made about Benrey, which Gordon was somewhat thankful for. He didn't want to think about him at all. It seemed like anything and everything that reminded him of Benrey made him sick. He hated that feeling. It felt like a hole was tearing through Gordon's stomach, all he could think about was Black Mesa.

The days went horribly, yet somewhat relaxingly slow. They were mostly filled with boredom, loneliness, and exhaustion. Gordon knew he could go to the science team if he wanted someone to talk to, but part of him just had a worrying instinct that something bad could happen if he did. After a few moments of thinking while mindlessly drinking his coffee, he decides that he might as well chat with the science team. Just chock it up to his anxiety. He's always had those kinds of feelings, but they've never meant anything real.

Once Gordon finished his coffee and set it in the sink, he walked over to his computer to chat. What's the worst that could happen? Once the computer was completely loaded up and Gordon was logged in, he immediately opened up the chat client that he had set up for all of them. Tommy seemed to be the only one that was online, which isn't a problem. Gordon is perfectly content talking with Tommy, since he's genuinely the most sane person of the whole team. After taking a deep breath, he decides it's time, and he goes ahead and clicks the call button. Tommy picks up awfully quickly.

"H-hey Mr. Freeman! How are you feeling?" Gordon smiles to himself, it feels good to hear someone else's voice. "I'm hanging in there, it's good to see you again Tommy." "That's good! Are you getting set up back at home alright? Have you had any issues?" Gordon remembers how almost intrusively caring Tommy can be, but even then, it's still pretty comforting. "Yeah, I promise, everything's okay. Thanks for worrying though," He leans back a bit, trying to relax, letting out a breath of air that must've been held up for a while, but Tommy must've heard him because after a few moments of their silence, Tommy spoke up, "M-Mr. Freeman... You can talk to me, you know..-" He kind of feels a bit bad lying to Tommy. There's nothing really he should be scared about when it comes to Tommy, since it was Bubby that was the one that was joined with Benrey. Just thinking about that shot phantom pains up his right arm. "Yeah... I'm just- stressed about Benrey I guess. I don't want him to come back. Frankly..- I'm scared.-" Gordon looks down to his right arm subconsciously, spacing off a bit. Gordon snaps back to reality when he heard Tommy speak again. "It's okay Mr. Freeman, he's gone, I-I promise." Gordon may be stupid, but he could find the uncertainty in that sentence. His thoughts are interrupted by Tommy talking again, "Trust me, _please_." Gordon looked up to the screen, despite nothing being on it other than the mostly empty chat log between him and Tommy. Gordon sighed, "I trust you," as he thought to himself, _surely Tommy is just nervous like I am, how would he know something is going to happen? _After that small and quick exchange, the two ended the call, not knowing what else to really talk about, since the only thing on Gordon's mind was Benrey, but it didn't look like he was going to get any more info out of Tommy soon.

 _A little walk might help, right?_ Gordon thought. Just a small walk around his apartment complex would do, to let off some steam. Studies say that sunlight and fresh air helps relieve stress anyways. So here he was, putting on his shoes and a light jacket before stepping to the door. He stopped for a moment to think -not even consciously- before grabbing his keys and walking out the door.

It was a nice walk in Gordon's opinion. Especially right after Black Mesa, it was a much needed change of pace. Gordon forgot how much he liked sightseeing. Looking at all of the leaves sway in the breeze, and watching all of the birds fly around and play with each other. During his walk, he decided to stop by the park and just lay back. For the first time in weeks, he's finally not filled with worry. He doesn't feel that anxious feeling crawling on his back. Gordon swears he could've almost passed out on the bench if he had just laid there just a bit longer, but he knew he would be there all night if he really did fall asleep. After what Gordon assumes was around 10 to 15 minutes, he finally got up to walk back to his apartment.

The way back to his apartment seemed longer than the way there, maybe because he was walking slower, but he wasn't paying attention. He finally got home, and as he walked in, he remembered that he still hasn't showered since he's been home. With that, Gordon went ahead and prepared to get in the shower, turning on the water just a little too hot in the beginning, and locking the door despite no one being there. After finishing preparing, he finally got in the shower, letting the warm water beat against his chest. For a few minutes he just let the water hit him, not even doing anything. Who could blame him, he just needed a little bit of relaxation. He spent longer in the shower longer than usual, probably around 30 minutes, most of the time not even used to actually wash himself. After he decided he had spent just a bit too long in the shower, he finally decided to get out. Unlike the shower, he actually was very fast paced with drying off. Gordon finally walks out of the bathroom in just a towel around his waist. He hears something from the kitchen, but ignores it to go put clothes on.

Once Gordon has his clothes on, he leaves his room to go check out what he heard. As he walks into the kitchen, he notices a pretty big yet short man looking through multiple cabinets. Gordon quickly grabs the closest thing to him, that being a broom, as he stepped towards the figure. "Hey- Wh-who are you?! And what are you doing in my house?" Gordon narrows his eyes, trying to make out any identifiable feature of the figure, as it turns around. Gordon quickly notices the figure's eyes as they turn around, showing their half lidded, yellowed glowing eyes. Gordon is shocked to realize who it is, and half-wittedly hits the top of his head as hard as he could, hoping to do _something_.


	2. A Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey and Gordon have a fight and end up making up for everything that had happened.

Benrey falls down after being hit, hurting him more than he's used to since he doesn't have his old helmet anymore. "o-ow! hey man... not cool... that's not very.. uuh gamer. of you-" He holds his head, wincing in pain. Gordon is confused by Benrey's sudden response to getting hurt, but he decides not to worry about that. "It's not very cool to trespass! That's illegal, Benrey. I thought _you_ would know that." Benrey looks up at Gordon, "uuh well... i don't bro. i haven't read all of wikipedia, that's tommy bro." His voice sounds sort of strained, like he's holding back a whine, or tears, or just.. anything. Gordon sighs, " _Benrey, cut the shit._ " He looks at him with the meanest glare Benrey has ever seen. It genuinely almost makes him feel nervous, _scared_ even. Benrey is completely speechless, as Gordon stands up straight. "I'm going to bed. Benrey, you better be out of my house by the time I wake up or you're done." He quickly walks away, not wanting to give Benrey a single chance for him to respond. He goes straight to his bed, completely exhausted. Everything was getting _really good_ after everything that happened, and now Benrey came back, and he was in his fucking apartment.

All Gordon wanted to do was sleep at this point. He was really hoping that this was all just a nightmare, and he actually fell asleep on the bench at the park. He can't believe that Benrey's back. _He can't believe that Benrey's in his house!_ Gordon put his hands on his head, at this point he was getting a headache. "I _knew_ Tommy was lying when we talked," he mumbled to himself.

It took Gordon what felt like hours [but was really just 30 minutes] to fall asleep. He wouldn't be surprised if he has another nightmare about Black Mesa. There were so many things going through his mind while he was trying to sleep, even _he_ couldn't keep up. But at least he fell asleep, and Gordon was happy about that.

\-------------------------------------

Benrey sat on the ground for a long while, trying to process that. Being hit in the head sucks, especially when you already have issues in your head. He held his head for most of the time, just trying to get the pain to go away. Benrey hadn't been in the real world much longer than Gordon had, and either way, he didn't know _anything_ about it. Benrey just kept thinking about the situation. He really wanted to apologize to Gordon. He felt _bad_. Even if he knows that being bad was just part of his script. He never wanted to do anything bad to the science team, _specifically Gordon!_ He was just trying to make sure he had his passport so he would be safe.

Benrey wanted to do what Gordon asked because he knew it's what would make him happy, but it just doesn't sit right to not apologize, even if Gordon doesn't accept it. At this point, he was just thinking about every little detail from Black Mesa. He _hated_ that he could remember **every single detail** from being in Black Mesa. It was just constant overthinking, he felt like he might burst under the pressure of his thoughts. He doesn't understand any of this. Is _this_ what Gordon was feeling in Black Mesa? Benrey knew Gordon had... emotions. But he didn't think they could be this strong. 

Benrey finally got up, after thinking about it for _at least_ 5 minutes. It took him a moment to get up, since his head still hurt, but he did it. He looked around once he was up. "damn, gordon's got a pretty sick place." Benrey stares, completely mesmerized by the furniture. Then again, he hasn't been outside of Black Mesa in what could've been forever. He probably walked around for at least an hour just staring at everything that Gordon had. He liked seeing what Gordon was interested in, he thought a lot of them were actually kind of cool.

After some looking, Benrey did end up finding Gordon's game collection, but was thoroughly disappointed when he noticed he barely had any games at all, one of which being Fallout 76. He ended up coming to the conclusion that there wouldn't be much to do while he was here. Since he has to talk to Gordon in the morning, he might as well just sleep.

\-------------------------------------

Gordon woke up the next morning with the sunlight in his eyes. He took a moment to come back to reality, but he finally got focused enough to get up. He couldn't really remember last night after the park, which he was almost worried about, but still grateful. Gordon changed into some clean clothes and walked out of his bedroom to the hallway. Benrey was standing in the doorway and he could remember the rest of the night. It was like sticking your hand in an ice bucket. Gordon's content expression quickly turned sour when he saw Benrey.

" _Benrey,_ I _told_ you that if you don't get out of my house, you'll be done for." Benrey tries to slowly walk to Gordon, "p-please bro, i just wanna talk- please?" "Stop moving! And- why the hell should I listen to you? _You cut my arm off!!_ " Gordon raises his right arm, showing the huge scar going around the circumference of his wrist. Benrey stops walking towards him, letting out blue to ivory bubbles, "i- i didn't know they were gonna do that!" Gordon steps forward a bit, "Bullshit! You hate the government as much as me! And you _genuinely_ thought you **trust them**!?" Benrey stands completely straight, "i wasn't thinking properly dude! our fuckin'... scripts got fucked bro... i didn't _want_ to be the big bad.-" " _But you fucking were!!_ You could've changed that, like you did _everything else!_ " Benrey continues walking forward to Gordon again. "what the fuck do you want to hear man!?! i'm trying everything to fix the past! do you want me to say _everything_ _?!?_ " Gordon narrows his eyes. "Fucking- sure. What the _fuck_ could you have to say?" The two have raised their voices so high that it's just become a screaming match.

Benrey has gotten so close to Gordon that he has to raise his head to look at him. Benrey raises his hand to his chest and takes a deep breath before speaking. "first of all, i _really didn't_ want all of this to go this way! i just... i wanted to keep you safe... thats- thats why i needed your passport! and... th-then. the arm thing... it hurt me mentally too! i _hated_ hearing you scream like that... it hurt so bad! it was bubby's idea!" He stops to breathe a bit more, shaking a little bit, and his voice has been cracking while he's been talking. Before Gordon can notice any more, Benrey starts talking again. "i just wanted to be like you man! ill... ill never be like you! im sorry...-" He's started crying at this point, as he stares down at his own hands, "Benrey, I-" Gordon starts, but Benrey cuts him off, still continuing what he was saying. "i could never live up to your standards, and your personality... i look up to you.. im.. im fucking sorry i- im so sorry gordon..." He falls to his knees, pulling his chullo over his eyes as he lets out more blue to ivory bubbles.

All Gordon can do is stare at the small man below him, bawling his eyes out just because of Black Mesa. He can't even do anything, he doesn't know what _to_ do. All Gordon knows is that Benrey genuinely means what he said. It honestly hurts him to see Benrey cry like that. Gordon gets down on his knees with Benrey on instinct, and rubs his back, trying to comfort him at least a little bit. "B-Benrey... I'm so sorry- I didn't know..." Gordon got no response. Just more sobs from Benrey. There was a couple minutes of silence between the two, then Benrey broke it after he had calmed down slightly, "y-you know i love you... right..?" He keeps pulling his chullo down while he speaks.

Gordon doesn't know how to respond when he says that. But when Benrey says that, it made him realize something. This whole time, Gordon was also falling for Benrey. He felt guilty for not noticing sooner, but decided he'd just handle those feelings later. Right now, he needs to take care of Benrey. "Benrey... I love you too." Gordon swears he's never seen him move so fast, or _anyone_ for that matter. Benrey had so many different emotions on his face at that moment. There was surprise, fluster.. embarrassment maybe? It was a nice change to see on Benrey, despite his teary-eyed look.

Gordon stood up and put his hand out for Benrey, but he just stared at Gordon, confused. He shook his hand slightly, "Come on Benrey, let's get up." After small hesitation, Benrey finally took Gordon's hand and allowed himself to be pulled up. He had never noticed how Benrey _really_ looked without the uniform. _You can really see a lot when he wears something different than his uniform,_ Gordon thinks to himself. 

Gordon looks over at Benrey, "Do you have a place to stay?"

Benrey looks away, shaking his head.

Gordon puts his arm around Benrey's shoulders, "Well, why don't you stay here for a while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Blue to ivory Sweet Voice means "I'm sorry," incase you were wondering.


End file.
